Last night was our Samhain celebration. I had a fantastic time. We had an Ancestors Supper where we had an altar set up for the ancestors (ours and all ancestors who have blazed trails for us, made the world what it is today). We each filled out an invitation with the names of all our own ancestors that we would like to invite to the feast and the ritual. We filled a plate with food and put it on the Ancestors altar as their feast. Then we ate ourselves. After eating and talking for a little while, we had the ritual which honored the ancestors, the Goddess Ceridwen and the God Cernunnos, both Celtic deities.

After the ritual, we just sat around eating the desserts and talking and laughing. We are quite the bunch and we got one woman laughing so hard she was actually crying and her stomach hurt. We had a great time. I really needed an evening like that.

I got home around 1am. It's almost 9am and I haven't been to sleep yet. Stanley Steemer is coming today to do the carpets and I had some last minute moving and rearranging of stuff before they get here. I tried to lay down and was going to take a four hour nap, but after 45 minutes, I gave up and got back up. Now I'm waiting for them to call and let me know they are on their way. I can't wait for them to get here and get done. Then I can go get some sleep!

Next Wednesday is Halloween, or as we pagans call it, Sahmain (sow-en). It is the most sacred of our holy days. It is also our New Year day. It is the night when the veil between the worlds is the thinnest and it is easy to communicate with our ancestors. Our group is having an ancestors' supper and then a ritual afterwards. We invite our ancestors to join us for the evening, in spirit only, of course. It is my favorite of our holy days.

However, one symptom of my condition is that when I'm fluctuating between moods, I tend to spend money I shouldn't. I had been doing that and now I find myself with just enough money to make it to the 2nd of Nov., which is when I get my next disability check. That does not include the $40 or more in gas that it would take to drive to Albany for the Samhain celebration.

I e-mailed the High Priestess today and told her the entire story and told her I wouldn't be able to make it Wednesday night. I almost didn't write because they make special accomdations for me all the time because of my breathing and bad back. I knew that she would offer to pay for the gas and I knew it would make me feel like an even bigger pain in the butt. But I also felt she needed to know what was going on and why I wouldn't be able to make it. Well, she told me she was going to give me money for gas and to not even think of refusing because she wouldn't take no for an answer. So, I have half a tank of gas, which is enough for me to get there (if I leave early and drive 60mph instead of my usual 70), but not enough to get back.

I've been crying off and on since I get her e-mail 3 or 4 hours ago. I thought I was in control of things, but then something comes along and kicks me in the ass to show me I'm not fully in control. I'm also crying because I know how good of a friend she is, and the rest of the group. Any one of them would have given me the gas money. I'm also crying because now I can go to the Samhain celebration and enjoy being with my friends and also have dinner with my father, my grandfather, my grandmother and my aunt. Excuse any spelling mistakes. I can barely see the screen because I'm crying.

Now I'm going to go take a nap.